Getting Ugly
So there I was, walking back to work with my chicken melt baguette (amongst other things) in my hand, thinking about the delightful lunch I’m about to enjoy when all of a sudden i hear a high revving sound.
I look around expecting to see a high flying executive out on lunch in his flash company car, or a boy racer in a souped up pocket rocket, but to my disappointment what i saw a bald headed, cold-sore nosed, bare chested chav in a hideous monstrosity of a “car” known as the Toyota Yaris Verso. This thing was ugly! The equivalent of an over weight Mongolian with Leprosy.
It made me wonder, why the hell car manufacturers actually make this junk in a market where competition is tighter than ever, and the marketing of your distinctive advantages is a must. I see how ugly design is distinctive but how it is an advantage fails to make sense to me.
Here are a few victims of Ugly Car Syndrome (UCS):
The Fiat Multipla
Ugliness. Multiplied!
”Combine the worst elements from a lavatory cistern, Wayne Rooney and the British Bulldog, and you’d get something similar to the Multipla”
The Chrysler PT Cruiser
Cruiser to nowhere
“Formed by the seamless bonding of a hearse and a large air conditioning unit, the PT Cruiser makes perfect sense after 10 pints.”
The Ford Ka
The Ford Kak
“When the Habitat designer submitted his latest teapot design to Ford as an April fool’s joke, little did he know that by an administrative error it would end up on the road.”
Morgan Aero 8
Baboon's butt cheeks
“In order to reduce their long waiting lists, Morgan had the choice of either increasing supply or reducing demand. They chose the latter. The Morgan 8 is actually a normal Morgan which is heated to melting point and crashed into an oak tree on the Lickey Hills.”
Daihatsu Copen
Ass = Face
“A recent independent survey showed that 82% of drivers in the UK cannot reverse their cars for toffee. Hence the Copen solution. This ingenious car has no front or back and can be driven in either direction by simply swivelling the driver’s seat”
Renault Avantime
What is that??
“Clever use of a recycled bus shelter has allowed Renault to sell these contraptions for use in the next star trek episode at a significant profit margin. That’s one way to beat the credit crunch!”
The media
Love it or hate it, the fact remains the same. The media influences and shapes your thoughts and actions almost as effectively as your dad’s slipper around your head.
Just as in religion, politics, and even in slippers, you have the Left and the Right.
Now I do realise it is a gross generalisation to use the word media as part of my title, as this word encompasses many institutions, companies, people of differing policitcal views, different mediums, and all aimed at different segments of the population.
However, despite the many differentiating factors factors within the media, there is a universal bond that unifies the majority, with very few exceptions.
That is the bond of bull shit (from hence forth affectionately termed as BS).
That, and the fact that a large segment of the British media is also owned by the King of “BS” himself, Mr Rupert Murdoch and his entourage, means that the truth concerning matters around the world is even further away from the grasp of the ordinary man than ever. I once heard a quote, which I believe is perfectly befitting here:
“A lie travels half way around the world before the truth gets a chance to put its pants on!”
However, despite his utmost efforts to dumb down the nation by shoving his muck into our faces to blind us from the reality of matters (he has done a good job with ardent readers of the Sun and Daily Mirror “news” paper), there are luckily a few reputable exceptions out there. Take Aljazeera, The Independent and The Observer as some of the more well known ones, which give a factual, unbiased and informative account of events unfolding around the globe.
Aside from the respectable exceptions, today’s comment is quite an accurate description of Murdoch’s media empire:
“They are the unwashed, flea ridden, knotted underarm hair of UK society”
( Random et al 2008 )
Peace and love (except you Murdoch).
Random
Moving on… Life’s Questions
Now we are done with slating Asian food, and in the spirit maintaining the element of randomness within my blog, I am making a shift from jest and banter to something a little more thought provoking.
From time to time we all think of things that seem very important, but yet we don’t know the answer to. Im not talking about the “does God exisit” question, that one’s easy. He does.
Now you may have some answers, theories or comments regarding the issues I discuss, in which case i would be more than happy to hear from you.
Logic- I have always wondered who it is that defines logic, and is logic actually the best thing to have?
What is logical to one person may not be logical to another, so in that case who is right, or more correctly who is thinking logically? Or is it simply a matter of perception?
I’m sure we would all agree that genius is a great thing.
But isn’t a genius someone who thinks “out of the box” and not in line with the mainstream logic that most of the “average folk” are deemed to posses. If we were all to think in the same “logical way”, would this not smother the sparks of innovation and hinder us from reaching exiting new heights?
I’m sure if you mentioned to people two centuries ago that man would fly in a big heavy metal vessel in the sky they would have deemed that an illogical feat to accomplish. Or that we would be sailing in metal ships that weigh tonnes and still be able to float.
One should not feel constrained when thinking, nor compelled to conform their thoughts to norms that others of the Human kind percieve as correct. People can stop you talking, can stop you moving, can stop you doing, but while you are alive, nobody can stop you thinking.
Thinking is an art we were all provided the tools for, but very few utilise them well.
( Random et al 2008 )
Time - Another one that has me thinking. I mean, what is it that defines time and how fast or slow it goes? I’m not talking about how quickly the sun goes up and down, that’s just a measure for us to tell how fast the time is going, but what is it that makes time go that fast?
Different animals, insects etc have different life spans and although they live on the same planet as us, do they have the same sense of time as us? Some of them have a life time of one week, but I’m sure to them it seems a lot longer.
Also, we are always fascinated by the conecpt of time travel, and who knows whether or not it is possible, but looking back at events in time is possible.
Hypothetically speaking, If we were to have a big telescope and place it 20 light years away (which would be a loooong way away), but once we look back down at the Earth from there, everything we see would have taken 20 light years to reach us and thus we would be looking at events that happened on Earth a long time ago i.e, looking back into time, but not physically going back in time. One, step at a time hey 
Frogs - Frogs are an amazing creation, they way their bodies have been expertly designed to enable them so live so well both on land and in water, everything from the webbed feet to the way they breathe. But there is one burning question to be asked:
Is a frog’s butt watertight?
Peace out.
Random
Asian Food Continued…
Despite the fact that many of us (including myself), for whatever reason, find the temptation of Asian cuisine too much to resist, there is an element of truth in today’s comment.
I mean have you ever taken away a curry in one of those see through plastic tubs, and then tried to wash it at the end? Use the best fairy liquid there is out there, there will still be that Orangey oily glow around the tub, no matter how hard you scrub away.
Now this is with just one serving of curry, now imagine a lifetime of curries and what your intestines must look like!
“Possibly, with the exception of pure solidified radiation crystals, Asian food has to be the most unhealthy collection of ‘muck’ known to mankind. It looks like cat puke, and has enough oil in it to fuel the entire third world for decades to come!”
( Random et al 2008 )
Kicking it off with Asian food!
OK, we all love a curry every now and again, and many can argue Asian cuisine
(curry in particular) has muscled it’s way to into the list of top ten British national dishes. But what is it that makes us go through the whole traumatic experience of having a curry, sometimes on a weekly basis?
Firstly there’s the burning tounge sensation that feels like one has been licking a lump of hot coal or chewing on stinging nettles, (then you try and extinguish your pain with some coke but find it only exasperates your dire situation!)
Then there’s Runny Nose Syndrome, which can be quite embarrassing if you’re out with the lady in your first weeks together, or even worse, meeting your in laws for the first time! You try and steal a wipe of the nose each time they busy themselves with trying to fish out the meat pieces from the dish in front of them; but to no avail as your nose continues to leak like a rusting Russian submarine.
What makes matters worse is when you’re at a really posh place where they don’t do serviettes and they give you a great big napkin instead. I mean, how are you supposed to wipe your nose with that?it’s a bit like using your sleeve, you just don’t do it!
Finally there are the aftershocks. Going to the loo to finally relieve yourself isn’t as straight forward after you’ve had a curry, and you’ll find yourself needing the companionship of a fire extinguisher to help cool the severe punishment to your derriere (french for ones rear end)
That all being said, here’s the first quote of randomness regarding this topic:
”Asian food has all the nutritional benefits of Mercury and the dishes look as though they have been specially designed and prepared by someone who has the dexterity of a Rhinoceros and the artistic skills of a 60ft Tyrannosaurus Rex.”
( Random et al 2008 )
P.S Mercury is an extremely unhealthy substance!
So what’s this randomness all about?
Randomness – adjective
“At random, without definite aim, purpose, method, or adherence to a prior arrangement; in a haphazard way.”
In the above definition you will find the basic philosophy that constitutes this blog.
It was created without a definite aim or purpose.
It is not bound by a methodology, sequence or pattern.
Content is created haphazardly and displayed as such. There is no deeper meaning behind it, it’s just as it is.
Everyday I will put up a random comment that will probably make no sense, have you either frowning as you try to find the logic behind it, or scoffing at the senselessness of the comment you have just read.
Either way, it’s all good and hopefully you’ll be left to wander what randomness will appear in tomorrow’s post.
Peace out,
Random.
Comments (11)
A final dig at Asian food…
From the feedback received from my first blog on Asian cuisine, I realise that it was a grave error on my part to paint all Asian dishes with the same brush.
They are not all bad. There’s bad, there’s worse, and then there’s the worst!
Bad is only the very tip of the humongous iceberg that Asian food is.
Bad is Pakistani/Kashmiri cuisine, which is guilty of being the oily character in this mob, but still has plenty of plus points making it one of the more popular styles of Asian food (so I’m told).
Worse is the South Indian (Madras) which is comparable to a Russian model, hot but with no substance.
They say to make any dessert likeable, just add sugar. It seems the Indians have applied this philosophy to their “art” of cooking and gone with the motto: ‘just add chilli. Then keep adding. And keep adding!’ This dish is the baby faced mobster that looks harmless until you discover it has a rather nasty sting.
Worst is the Bangladeshi cuisine dish, in which liquefied Bhut Jolokia red chillies constitute about 69.7% of the ingredients. This is followed by 20% highly processed, low-quality vegetable oil, 6.2% bone and gristle, and 3.1% herbs, artificial colours and preservatives. (I hope that adds up to 100%).
Coupling a fieriness with its oily character, it makes Bangladeshi curry, without doubt, the undisputable bad boy in this mob!
On that hot note, here is today’s random quote:
( Random et al 2008 )